The Best Gift to Give Yourself This Christmas

My eight-year-old niece Sarah wants a FurReal Go Go Walking Pup for Christmas. She’s absolutely certain Santa is going to bring it to her.

Meanwhile, my sister-in-law Lynda is frantically searching for what turns out to be one of the season’s hottest toys. When I found out about her challenge a week ago I joined the hunt.

From the moment I started looking, the words that kept going through my mind were, “the Walmart on Rymal.”

I’m not a fan of Walmart (hadn’t been to one in years) and had definitely never been to the Walmart on Rymal. It’s about ten minutes southeast of my home and just about every other place I go is north or west.

Yet, I trusted those persistent words and the feeling that accompanied them – a certainty that they were true.

So, I went to Walmart several times, while also checking Toys R Us and Zellers, just to hedge my bets. I was looking in three or four stores a day!

On the weekend, when the Walking Pup had become an obsession, I got an additional message: “Tuesday morning.”

I had some time to go to Walmart on Monday but the message was, “No, Tuesday morning.” So I didn’t go.

Well, you know what happened, don’t you?

Tuesday morning, I walked into the Walmart on Rymal, and there it was, the Go Go Walking Pup.

As I walked to the checkout, shaking and with tears in my eyes, I was full of gratitude and awe for the power that somehow orchestrated the early Christmas gift for me in the most unlikely place.

Whether you think my story is a happy coincidence, New Age crap or just another example of something you’re very familiar with, I bet you know that there’s a power beyond your awareness that guides you, if you let it. Call it intuition, universal energy, the law of attraction or God, it’s there.

The gift that we can give ourselves during this “season of magic” is to become aware of this power and tap into it more deeply.

How do you do that? Pay attention to those hunches. Act on them, even when they seem improbable. As with any skill, we improve with practice, and there’s always room to get better.

So, as you’re feasting and merrymaking, pay attention to the thoughts that are running through your mind with a feeling of certainty. Take some action. See what happens.

If you’re already doing that, go a step deeper. What would that look like for you?

If it’ll work to find a toy at Christmas, imagine how it could help you make positive changes in your life.

Merry Christmas.

100% is a Breeze

“99% is a bitch, 100% is a breeze.”
-- Jack Canfield

This quote is from Jack Canfield’s book The Success Principles. In fact, it’s principle #35.

My response, when I first heard it, was “Give me a break! What difference could the 1% make??”

But as Jack says, “Once I make a 100% commitment, there are no exceptions. I don’t have to wrestle with that decision every day. It’s already been made. It makes my life easier and simpler and keeps me on focus.”

So I tried it. Not because Jack said so, but because my inner guidance was insisting that I make a 100% commitment to exercise.

My previous goal had been to walk five days a week. Sounds pretty good, but do you know what happened? Monday, I didn’t feel like walking, but that was OK – I could miss two days a week. I didn’t feel like it on Tuesday. Again, no problem.

Do you think I was raring to go on Wednesday? Of course not. I was back in the not-walking rut and it was ever so hard to get out of it.

My new commitment is to walk every single day for half an hour. 100% of the time. No exceptions.

And what do you know? Jack was right! I’ve faced the icy sidewalks. I’ve had my husband drop me off a half-hour walk from home. I’ve even endured the shopping mall – the last place I want to be this time of year!

I’m actually surprising myself! Each day, my commitment gets stronger. I keep my streak going. I create something to be proud of. I honour myself and my intention. The question is not “Will I?” but “When will I?”

So, what about you? What is a goal that has been difficult to do consistently? Try making a 100% commitment. You may well find that it’s a breeze!

The Joy of Vulnerability

Have you heard of Brene Brown? She studies gratitude, vulnerability, shame and authenticity. Her TED Talks are inspiring discussions about the cost of living with shame, unworthiness and invulnerability. Here is one:



The message has special importance to those of us on the weight loss path. Many use food to numb our emotions, to avoid feeling pain, shame and unworthiness. But, as Brene points out, we cannot selectively numb. So, when we numb pain, we also freeze out love and joy.

Brene suggests that a way back from a numbed life is to be grateful for ordinary things in our lives. To let go of the expectation that things be extraordinary and perfect. To be grateful for the gifts that enrich every day – friends, family, nature – as well as for tiny-perfect delights -- a fresh cup of coffee, sunshine, a car that starts on a cold morning.

Another suggestion is to embrace vulnerability – to admit we do not know, to express a difficult emotion, to “go with our gut” when everyone else is stuck in their heads. By expressing our vulnerability, we feel alive in a way that transcends the fear of the difficult emotions.

I have challenged myself to be more vulnerable. Every time I do it, I feel joy and pride in myself. In a meeting, I said “This does not feel right to me.” That shifted the direction of the whole conversation to a much better result. Regardless of the results, I felt good about myself for honouring my own wisdom. I felt more authentic and whole.

What would vulnerability look like to you? Telling someone how you really feel? Reaching out to a long-lost friend at this time of year? Try it. You will be surprised by the joy.

Weight Loss and the Buddha -- Part 4

It’s not exactly correct to credit Buddhism with this last principle because
it’s so universal that it is taught in all spiritual traditions and by secular institutions as well. Yet it is a Buddhist teaching that can support us on our weight-loss journey.

The principle is to breathe. Breathe deep, full, cleansing breaths.

Breathing deeply helps us focus fully on our bodies and our feelings. It
leads us back to the calm that is always at our core but difficult to find
in the busy-ness of the day.

Breathing deeply when we want to reach for food gives us a moment to connect
with our deeper motivations. We remember our desire to be peaceful and
choose not to get caught up in the frenzy. We remember our commitment to be
healthy and the chocolate doesn’t seem so appealing.

Try it a few times right now. Breathe in slowly and deeply, breathe out
just as slowly. Repeat.

Do you feel the difference? Do you feel the calm?

Remember this when you’re frazzled. Just breathe.

Weight Loss and the Buddha -- Part 3

My recent study of Buddhism has shown me so much wisdom that can be applied to weight loss. Today, I’d like to share the meditation practice of beginning again.

Meditation involves relaxing the mind and body so that the spirit can reach for enlightenment. We still the mind by focusing on something simple such as our breath. Thoughts will often invade the void in our mind and the Buddhist teaching is to begin again, without judgement or attachment. Notice the thinking and then let the thought go. Just begin again.

What a gift it would be if we could just begin again, without judgement or
attachment, whenever we notice that our eating is off-course. Just begin
again, in the next moment. Not tomorrow morning or next Monday or January
1, but right now, in the next bite. Just begin again.

Can you sense how powerful this is? Can you feel the self-compassion?

Can you commit to giving it a try? When you notice that your eating isn’t
what you’d like it to be, begin again. Without judging or blaming yourself,
just begin again.

Weight Loss and the Buddha -- Part 2

I wrote last week about a Buddhist teaching that could be an effective weight-loss strategy. Today I’d like to focus on another one, a fundamental principles of Buddhism – compassion.

Specifically, self-compassion, which Buddhist nun Pema Chodron defines as unconditional friendship with oneself.

Pause for a moment to deeply feel the compassion you would have for a good friend who is facing a challenge. Can you feel the warmth, the love, the forgiveness? Can you imagine the encouragement, the pride, the absolute knowing that she can do whatever she sets her mind to?

Self-compassion is turning those feelings on yourself. All the time. Even
when you mess up. Especially when you mess up.

Weight loss is not easy. It involves changing thought patterns we’ve had
for decades and listening to our bodies when we’d rather have the brownie.
Imagine what a difference it would make if you had a compassionate,
unconditional friend with you every step of the way. Imagine that friend is
you.

What can you do today to show yourself the warm, loving, compassionate
embrace of unconditional friendship?

Weight Loss and the Buddha -- Part 1

As part of my studies to become an interfaith minister, I have been reading about Buddhism this week. A key element of the Buddhist teaching is the Eightfold Path toward enlightenment. Two of the eight steps on the Path are “right speech” and “right conduct,” focusing on developing language and behaviour that are truthful and kind.

What struck me was the way students are instructed to grow in these areas. The first step is to notice. Just to notice where words and actions may deviate from compassion and truth. The second step is to gradually
change behaviours in the direction of the desired qualities.

How enlightened would we be if we used this process with weight loss?

What would it be like to just notice when we feel like binging? Just notice
that we’re full but we want to keep eating? Nothing to do. Nothing to
change. Just notice.

What would it be like to just move in the direction of healthy eating? No
crash diets, no declarations that we’ll never eat chocolate again. Just
small precious little steps in the direction of health.

I invite you to try it. Just notice. Then just take tiny steps in the
direction of health.

What Do You Want?

The Joy Diet is a book by Martha Beck, life coach and columnist in the Oprah magazine. Far from being about carrot sticks and cottage cheese, the Joy Diet is a collection of practices that, when done regularly, lead to a more joyful and fulfilling life.

Menu item #3 on the diet is Desire and it invites readers to identify and explore one heart’s desire. After getting still and centered on your connection to your deepest wisdom, ask yourself “What do I want?” As answers bubble around in your mind, choose the one that is most appealing to you at the moment.

Take some time to consider the desire of your heart. Is there a deeper desire below the one you identified? If you want a chocolate milk shake, is it because chocolate is your favourite flavour and you’re craving something sweet?

Or could it be that milk shakes are special because your grandfather took you to the malt shop when you were a child? Could it be that the milkshake represents a desire to have someone listen to you the way your grandfather did?

When you find a desire that is a true reflection of your heart, you’ll know it because it will be joyful and open, fulfilling and expansive.

Once you’ve identified a desire, set an intention that you will experience it; shift from “I wish” to “I will.” Nothing more need be done than identify a heart’s desire and start to believe that you can experience it in you life.

Martha Beck recommends spending a few minutes each day contemplating the question “What do I want?” You may come up with a different answer every day. That’s fine. And you don’t need to take action to experience the desire until further on in the Joy Diet.

So, what do YOU want? What does your heart and soul long to do that you haven’t pursued yet? Take a few minutes to get still and get some answers.

What Are Your Values?

Who are you and what is most important to you? We each have values that define the best of who we are. When we are clear about our values, we can honour them in our lives and express them in ways that give us joy and contribute to humankind. Christopher Columbus valued adventure, Michelangelo, whose amazing David is pictured at right, valued beauty and Bill Gates values both creativity and contribution.

Since I have become more conscious about including my values in my life, I’ve felt more peaceful and alive. It’s a work in progress to become continually more aligned with my values and the effort is always worth it.

Here are some steps you can take to define your values:

1. Find a list of values. If you don’t have one, do an internet search. The list is just to tweak your memory -- in your heart, you already know your values.
2. Go through the list using your gut reactions to identify a short list of no more than eight.
3. Narrow down the list, if necessary, by combining closely-related values like integrity and truth.
4. Define what each value means to you. This is your personal definition, not what you find in the dictionary.
5. Consider why the value is important to you.
6. Think about how you will express each value and identify some actions you can take. For example, I can express my value of adventure by experiencing new activities, places and things. Actions I could take are trying an ethnic restaurant or going sailing.

When we live by expressing our most important values, we feel centred, joyful and on-purpose. Isn’t that worth taking some time to define?

Self-Love

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere.
-- Buddha

This past weekend, I attended classes for the training I am taking to become an Interfaith Minister. Among the many wonderful things I will take away from the classes is the above quotation.

It is easy to forget that we deserve the self-love and self-care that comes with it as much as anyone on this planet. In fact, without it, we are not at our best and cannot serve the world as effectively.

What does self-love look like? I imagine it’s a bit different for each person. For me, it’s getting enough sleep and focusing on peace every day, as well as making sure I get my daily quota of joy!

How about you? How would you describe self-love for you? What are you doing now? What is the next step you could take to go deeper with loving and caring for yourself? When will you start that new step?

You deserve all the love and affection you can lavish upon yourself. We all do. Consider this your reminder to take the next step.

A Little Slice of Joy

My blog post last week was about adding more joy to your life and I said that one of my best sources of joy is my nephews and nieces.

Well, this week I got to spend time with my brother’s daughters Sarah and Lauren. We went to see the movie Nanny McPhee Returns and then went home to make dinner of fajitas, tacos and apple crisp. This picture is of an outing we had in the summer when we went out to tea, complete with cucumber sandwiches, individual teapots, tiered plates and hats we could wear while we were enjoying our tea.

What I love about being with Lauren and Sarah is the fun we have telling stories and laughing. We like to do new things together, like learn to use an apple corer, and create things like the scrapbooks we worked on this summer. I also like to remind them about things that are important to the world. For example, I take them and their brothers and their cousins to see the Disney movies in the Earth series, so that we remember how important it is to take care of the Earth.

Being with Lauren and Sarah and their brothers and their cousins makes me very happy because it lets me give some love away and get some in return. It’s really awesome to think that I helped just a bit in making these boys and girls the really wonderful people they are. And it fills my heart with joy to think about how special it is to have them in my life.

Eat, Pray, Looove a Retreat

Have you seen the movie, Eat, Pray, Love, or read the book by Elizabeth Gilbert that inspired it? The movie missed a part I found very inspiring – the silent retreat Liz took on a tiny island near Bali. She created a space of solitude and introspection in which she could journal, cry, forgive, release and love herself into feeling more whole and balanced in the midst of a year-long journey of self-discovery.

Like Liz, I take mini-retreats from time to time. In fact, I’m kind of on one as you read this. Retreats allow me to look deeply at my life, acknowledge some truths and look at what’s next for me. I always return feeling more centred, deeply grateful and committed to focusing on what is most important to me. Here are ideas for creating a retreat for yourself:

Get away. No matter how you try to get around it, home is home and it’s full of things that distract you from the attention you need. A cottage, a retreat centre, an island off Bali…whatever it is, find a place where you can focus on yourself and not your to-do list.

Make it silent. Limit your interaction with the world, including television, radio, internet, your e-mail inbox. Even limit phone calls to loved ones. You want to focus on yourself and you can’t do that if you’re checking in with the world all the time. They’ll get by without you.

Surrender. If you’re expecting wonderful things to happen, create room for them to occur. Whatever name you use -- God, Spirit, the Universe, the Higher Power – give It room to work by being willing to experience shifts and transformations.

Be active rather than passive. Reading books may give you insight but reading, which is passively taking in ideas, has to be balanced with the more active work of writing, thinking deeply and doing activities that will allow you to focus on yourself.

Write. If you use a journal, you know that writing has the power to take less-than-positive thoughts and show a more empowering perspective. Writing also empties your mind of the incessant chatter so that you can think peacefully. If you haven’t used a journal before, try it. If you have, you already know it’ll bean important resource during your retreat.

Forgive. This huge step reaps deep rewards. I had a powerful experience under the late-night sky. In my mind, I had a conversation with each person I wanted to forgive. Then I chose a bright star on which to bury my grievances. I imagined the love that exists in the relationship reflecting back to me from the star and I felt peace and completion. Don’t forget to include yourself on the list of people to forgive.

Use rituals. Just as using the stars supported my forgiveness, choose rituals that will work for you. Burning can be a powerful ritual of release – write out anything you want to release (situations, limiting beliefs) and then burn them.

A retreat can be an excellent way to reconnect with yourself and recommit to the things that are important to you. Why not think about scheduling one soon?

On Birthdays and Intentions

Today is my fiftieth birthday.

It’s a milestone in everybody’s life and it is for me, partly because it has demonstrated again the power of setting an intention – a strong, deep, seriously-committed intention to something that really matters.

Sure, I’ve set intentions before. I’ve said, “I intend to get this project done by Friday.” and “I intend to start that new habit.” But only twice have I made deep intentions from my heart and soul. And twice the intention has manifested – big time!

The first time was when I intended to get off the bleachers and onto the playing field of love during the year 1996. I did get onto the playing field, engaging for months in a game of romantic hide-and-seek with one Don Giberson. On December 21, in the final minutes of the game so-to-speak, we made it official with our first kiss. Two and a half years later, I married the guy.

This past year, I said I intended for my fiftieth year to be transformative and it has been an awesome year! Here are some of the things I’ve done:

• I got clear about my purpose after coasting without direction for way too long
• I found a way to support my body as it loses weight
• I became excited about working as a life coach and started training with people who see the world as I do
• I decided to contribute to the world by becoming an interfaith minister – I start classes this weekend
• I had the immense privilege of visiting Africa, a trip that changed my life
• I have been inspired to assist in the advancement of Africa and I am excited about the possibility of working with my sisters in Tanzania.

While you can’t really see the transformation on the outside – no significant weight loss, no new business yet, no projects in Africa yet – I am SO transformed on the inside. And that is where it starts. I am more excited about my direction than I have been in years and I know that I am moving every day closer to fully expressing the things that are important to me.

Setting intentions with your heart and soul, as well as your head, can create huge positive changes in your life. What huge change do you want to make? Set an intention deeply and strongly, and watch it take shape.

Obituary of BlackPants

It is with style and panache that I announce the passing of BlackPants. A faithful companion for many years, BlackPants was my comfort and security, an unfailing supporter of a sadly limited opinion of myself.

BlackPants was much more than an article of clothing. It was a state of mind. It was a belief that, because I was carrying around some extra pounds on my body, I should use lacklustre clothing to camouflage them. After all, black has always been described as “slimming.” The BlackPants philosophy led me to invest heavily in garments that were various shades of, well, black! Jackets, sweaters, tops, shoes, socks – but mostly pants! I recently counted my collection and found that I had thirteen pairs of black pants – winter pants, summer pants, old mess-around-the-garden pants and new dress-up ones.

BlackPants had been steadily losing its power over the past year. The decline began when I replaced the boxy black purse with a stylish lime green bag and took the audacious step of buying a pair of white pants. The final death-knell for BlackPants was the purchase of turquoise shoes and the creation of a complete outfit free of solid neutral colours.

BlackPants is survived by many friends, including UglySweaters, OldSweats and MuMuDresses, all states of mind that plague women who dress to keep themselves unnoticed and their style unexpressed. Sadly, BlackPants will likely reincarnate in the life of a woman who doesn’t feel she’s good enough.

While I will always wear black pants because I like them and think they’re classy, I will no longer be guided by the philosophy of BlackPants. I love fashion and will wear clothes that reflect that. But the difference will be more than the way I dress – it will be the way I feel. BlackPants dressing reinforces a belief that I have nothing to offer; stylish dressing makes me want to step out and express myself.

What does your style say about you? What message are you conveying? Might it be time to look at the way you present yourself? The transformation may not happen overnight like it does on those makeover TV shows, but whenever you make a change that brings you closer to reflecting your true self, it’s a change worth making.

Peace

I felt it last week. A lot.

It was the absence of a relentless discourse in my head about food. “Am I hungry? What do I want to eat? Oh, no! That’s not a healthy choice! Maybe I’ll just drink some water. Is it lunch time yet? What will I have? But that’s not really what I want…”

That conversation has been going on in my head since I was six. But now I’m giving myself permission to eat any food I want when I’m hungry. Now I’m taking time to savour the tastes and textures. Now I’m checking in with my body to see how IT likes the food. Now I’m asking “What do you really want?” when I turn to food and I’m not hungry.

That voice in my head is out-of-sync with the way I’m approaching eating most of the time now. It’s lost a lot of its power so it’s showing up less frequently.

The result is peace.

And it is delicious.

Tiny Actions Create Ripples of Joy

I had an egg salad sandwich for lunch the other day.

Normally this wouldn’t be news but I love egg salad sandwiches and this was the first one I had ever made for myself.

My Mom loved these sandwiches too so she made them when I was a kid. I’ve enjoyed the odd one since, when I’ve been in a restaurant or other people have been serving them --especially my sister, who toast the bread – Mmm!. But I’ve never made one for myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve thought about it. A lot. I tried to cook eggs, but instead splattering my microwave with egg-white-shrapnel. I never quite got it together – thought it wasn’t worth the time. Or maybe I wasn’t worth the time.

But last Saturday,-I pulled down The Joy of Cooking, figured out how long to cook those eggs, boiled and cooled them, made the salad and, with boldness and gusto, enjoyed my egg salad sandwich. It wasn’t just the sandwich that was delicious – it was also the pleasure of creating joy for myself.

Why did it take over thirty years for me to give that simple pleasure to myself? That could be the subject of an entire book. The point is that I honoured myself with a tiny joyful action. It has led to other tiny actions of honouring myself and a cycle of positivity that ripples out into my life and those around me.

What about you? What simple pleasure have you been waiting to enjoy? What is the first thing you need to do to make it happen? Could this be the week you honour yourself by taking that tiny step?

Have Your Cake and Eat It Too!

I recently saw a show about a couple who had each lost over 100 pounds. They were planning a party to celebrate their success and renew their marriage vows. Understandably, they wanted to go all-out with clothes to show off their newly-slender bodies, new wedding photos and a celebration dinner.

When they met with a baker to plan the wedding cake, they were offered samples of the options for the cake and frosting. These two were terrified to taste the tiny little slices -- they hadn’t had any cake since they started to lose weight. The looks of terror were almost comical. They finally decided on the flavours, but only nibbled at the cake. They weren’t sure how they would handle the cake at their party.

Can you imagine losing 100 pounds, or even five, and never having a piece of cake? I can’t.

Life is meant to be enjoyed and food – especially cake! – is about enjoyment. We don’t need a giant slab with extra icing to celebrate the moment. We can savour a slice, enjoying the taste, the texture, the delicious sweetness.

For me, weight loss, and healthy eating for life, has to include some joy food, whether it’s cake, nachos or a pina colada. Sure, our bodies need fuel food that’s packed with nutrients. But our hearts and souls seek foods that give us pleasure. Including both kinds of food will help sustain the healthier eating. A good balance is something like 90% fuel food and 10% joy.

In the long-run, we’ll be more successful giving ourselves the joy we seek from food than denying ourselves, only to go on a rampage of sweets.

On Vision and Blindness

It’s only the second issue of my weekly blog, and I’m already two weeks behind! But there’s a really good reason…I was without my sight for over a week.

I got something in my eye that scratched my retina badly. It left my right eye irritated, extremely sensitive and resistant to focusing on anything.

This wouldn’t have been such a big deal but I’m almost blind in the other eye. I was unable to read or spend more than half an hour at the computer. I was most comfortable just closing my eyes.

As you can imagine, there was little to do but sleep, listen to TV and think about how important vision is. It renewed my gratitude for my eyes, especially the one that sees incredibly well.

There was also time to think about the lesson I could learn. The Universe was reminding me of the importance of the things we can “see” without our eyes. Before this happened, I had decided that it was important to focus on do-do-do – get those projects done – go-go-go! And there I was, unable to do a thing on my long and seemingly-important list.

I turned within, sought guidance from Wisdom much smarter than mine. The guidance was just to rest, and to spend more time and energy connecting with the Wisdom. That’s where the true Vision is.

Now that my eye is, thankfully, back to normal, I’m remembering to keep a better balance between blindly do-do-doing and just being. And from the being, I’m seeing more clearly what to do and how to do it.

I Do Declare!

“We need men [and women] who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

I am a weight-loss coach.

There, I said it.

In the last few months, I’ve studied a new mindset around food, worked with a weight-loss coach, trained to be a coach myself and engaged with my body to nurture it physically and emotionally so that I won’t automatically reach for chocolate when things don’t go my way. And I’ve had some success –I’m down about 20 pounds.

I’m excited about the prospect of helping people become free from the pain that the tango with food and body image can cause. And yet, it feels uncomfortable to come right out and say that I am creating a business in which I will do just that.

We’ve all seen teams and organizations and individuals who have achieved great success by stating an intention boldly and clearly. John F. Kennedy declared in 1961 that the United States would put a man on the moon within ten years. No one knew how to do it, but they were pulled forward by Kennedy’s improbably dream and they made it happen.

So, I’m putting it out there – I am a weight-loss coach. And I’m beginning to plan for the day I will help people befriend their bodies and shift their thoughts. I know that the declaration will create momentum that will pull me forward to implementing the plan and living the intention.

What about you? What is the declaration that would get you moving in the direction of your deepest desires? Could it be that now is the time to boldly set the intention?